I did it. I actually did it. I told Mom and boy was that just one big fscking mistake.
She got that look. Y'know the look Moms can get. I can't describe it well, it's just a look. I never felt so low in my life.
Gramma found out somehow by Mom and came out to me and this is how it basically went:
"So you're wanting to *quit* Cello?"
"*ever-so-quietly* Yes..."
"Hm?"
"YES!"
"What do you want to be then? A lazy bum?"
Then Mom shut her up and she retreated to her room.
My god. Now that Mom left for work and Gramma's in her room I can finally cry.
I feel so low it just sucks.
Mom says that I can't just give up cello because I didn't "try" hard enough.
Didn't try hard enough.
I was in three orchestras, two of which were the top for Youths in the whole god-damned state. I had to practice each and every song and know them almost by heart.
Didn't TRY hard enough!? Bull.
She then said I couldn't "be like Andy, just because he quit on his instrument."
Be like Andy? Be like ANDY!? Jesus, now I'm trying to be like someone after not trying hard enough to be me! Andy's problem was that he had a horrible Band Teacher. All my teachers were great. I'm not trying to fscking be like Andy.
Well. She gave me this whole list of dumb chores to do before I go to bed in two hours. Oh, and, if I'm a "good girl" tonight, I can be on the computer tomorrow night.
*angry growl-ish* I have a bad feeling I'm going to hate this Freshman year. I'm 14 and have to go to bed at 9:30. Not even 10! 9:30. Nine. Thirty.
And then I can't even be online anymore after Mom goes to work ( at 7:20 ) except on the weekends.
<.< I'm not one to make real friends from school. She knows that most of my close and favorite friends are on the net. And in different time zones.
Sad thing is, I doubt I'll be seeing Cass that much until any upcoming vacations.
Gah. It just pisses me off. I'm still in a sour mood. Damn mood swings, I blame it on the fscking mood swings.
Ja.
~Owari.~