-_- *hits self for swearing*
I've been sleeping bad.. I don't know why. I mean.. I sleep enough hours, but I always wake up exhausted. Could just be in my head.
Whatever seemed to sink me down also took out that occassional fever I get (Which is fortunate for me.. seeing as I usually get one fever a day, if not, more, which renders me completely light headed, dizzy, and such. -_-; Wish I knew what make them go away completely, but anyway..) and replace it with this horrible cold feeling. No matter how tight I curl in a ball.. no matter how many blankets I have over me, I just.. can't get it to go away.
Mostly because it's this.. interior.. feeling.
Which takes me back to a far, long ago conversation I had with dear Starstrike-sister Rai. We spoke about how you get a cold feeling when you're alone.. or something like that.
I don't feel alone, I don't think I do. ... I mean, I -could- because I've left everyone I loved on AIM.
...
Jesus, I feel like I'm such a bad person.. I left everyone without warning. I just... left.
Kris is worrying about me, some other people could be missing me, .. I have a feeling someone's hating me for leaving.. he'll never forgive me, I just know it.. and I didn't want to hurt him and here I am.. and I think some other people don't give a shit (*smack on cheeck for swearing*) either which way if I'm gone or not.
I'm such a child to be running away from everything. I think I just need to be slapped or something.
Yes, I know, running away does not solve problems.
Ngh..
I give advice to people, I tell them not to do what I'm doing.. run away. I tell them.. I say.. "No matter how big the problem is.. you can always have someone to go to. Running away leaves people in the dark to worry for you and even though you don't realize it, you could be hurting someone for leaving."
Fft.. I'm such a fucking hypocrite. (*another smack on the cheek for swearing*) It also makes me feel like a horrible person for leaving the people who have me as that someone that they go to.
I don't know what to do anymore.. there's just too many things going on for me to even think clearly.
.....
Enough.
I'm going to talk about something happy.
I saw the Cowboy Bebop movie. I rented it from Hollywood Video and watched it subbed and dubbed. It's awesome, I'm buying it when I can get money. *nod*
It rained!! Can you believe it?? It rained here ^___^ It was SO great.
At first.. there was just a lot of lightning.. I mean.. you couldn't go a minute without 5+ lightning strikes.
No thunder.. no rain.. just lightning.
Sometimes a cloud full of rain would attack viciously for five minutes with wind, but then it'd leave quickly and return to the beautiful lightning show.
It stayed all throughout the night, and remained even when the sun rose.
The clouds were everywhere, so it kept the morning hours looking like the sun hadn't even bothered to come out yet.
After 8 or so everything left.
It was the first time in my life I saw lightning during the day time and not night. Very, very pretty.
*hums softly*
With that note.. I'll be going now.
Love you all, hope you still love me even after disappearing.
Ja~
~Owari~