After a few hours of staring at the ceiling, I realized I wasn't going to fall asleep.
So here I am.
Again.
I did a lot of thinking those few hours..
How I try to make people happy, mostly.
It struck me funny.. how hard I try. Even if it means mentally dying or having random moments of just crying.. it's just as long as the people around me are happy.
Kind of like "Service with a smile" type of thing.
Nnh.. I find it talented to sit not even a foot away from someone and cry without them noticing. Crying while talking to someone online is nothing compared to sitting next to someone less than 12 inches, side by side, in real life, and cry without them noticing. Sheer talent, I tell you.
I wish I wouldn't take words so deeply.. I'm.. just sensitive that way, I suppose.
What people think of me.. of my personality, my actions, my own words.. it all affects me one way or another.
I always act and say things like I don't care what people think.. and deep down, my little rebel side doesn't truly care, but.. but gaaah.
I feel like I'm fuckin' shizo or something.
(*slaps self for bad words*)
Can't think straight. I'ma go now.
Ja~
~Owari~